I respond with a "Yes." then i sober up and realize - "hey, i'm alone in bed with a bit of a hangover" so i go back to bed to sleep the buzz off - either way - here it is.
I was just thinking of the year & half i just wasted with someone.
But after some thought i realized i don't regret a month with him or a year gone by but the moments that they were comprised of.
A moment of bitterness could have been one of happiness.
A moment of tears could have been one of laughter.
A moment of complete and total detestation could have been one of reveling in the beauty of another.
In short - don't regret the time past but the moments missed.
really - everything i said is true - to a point. but is a moment worth cherishing measured by one where a task at hand was accomplished with the intended end goal achieved?
when you think about a day of running errands, doing laundry and paying bills you think "wow - i accomplished so much today." well - maybe you did but you didn't do anything to make you happy. that day, in the grand scheme of things, was just as wasted as my year and half.
but that too is living in a negative light - i turned a year and half of my life into a bad experience when really, for the most part, it was wonderful. i had, for a time, a great friend and felt at peace. it did come to an end but that's part of life - just like life, all great adventures have to end at one point.
yes there were moments of tears, bitterness and total detestation (sorry xxx, but it's true) - but that's not the whole story. through this time i was shown a new broadway show that i could truly relate to, i learned that i could be in a city that resembled a giant, real-life episode of "cops" and still enjoy myself, and i had constant moments of self-revelations ranging from love to hatred but learning along the way how to deal with both.
i'm not sure if you know this but i enjoy oprah.
she had a young girl by the name of charise on her show last year and i fell in love. yet another young girl who could belt out a power ballad - my dream in life.
last week she brought her back - she had been following her all summer. she was a young girl from the philippines. she watched her father pull a shotgun on her mother and point it at her head. the only reason she survived was because charise's screams alerted the neighbors. that day her mother and charise left - they lived in dilapidated conditions - at times being homeless. through that time she entered singing competitions so they could splurge and buy a pizza off and on. she stuck to her dreams of a better life, followed her talent and this is where she is at today.
she knows where she came from - she can't forget her past. but there is no bitterness in her. she lives life in the moment that it is - unpredictable and usually spectacular.
i'm getting ready to move out - for my first time completely alone. i hope i take advantage of this situation and really learn to appreciate my life completely - aside from the negative but within all of the opportunities that are innately in front of me.
in 1997 oprah introduced the idea of a "grateful journal". it's an easy concept. everyday write down five things that you are grateful for.
i didn't like that specifically but liked the idea. every night i would pray (stop chuckling) and afterwards i would go through the entire day. i didn't want to just think of things that made me happy because i generally wasn't - that would be ignoring the majority of my day. so i thought of everything that happened to me - the good and the bad. the bad stuff - think about, think why it happened, learn from it and then simply move on. the good stuff - truly think about it. what happened, who was it with, how did i feel.
it's amazing how many good things happen throughout the day that just pass you by. they don't have to be moments where your life was changed but something as simple as how you made someone laugh or someone you like smiled at you.
through this simple process - my whole life changed.
this is something i think i'm going to start up again - its something i need. i always talk about these funks i get into twice a year - where i just despise the world and hate my place within it. i'm starting to think that maybe those are the only times out of the year i'm truly feeling anything - the other weeks i'm simply letting life and my emotions drift by me.
i need to live again.
anyone want to join?
1 comment:
iloveyou.
i want in.
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