ideas of a perfect existence where a persons happiness is reflected by their profession.
i recently came across an old favorite youtube video which brought back my dream of being a performer... no matter on what level.
as many of you know, i once had a choir teacher try and talk me out of pursuing a college career in trade for being a vegas headliner as a cher impersonator.
why did she think i could make it?
well - at the time i had this...
fast forward five years and i end up here -
headlining a house party for the once never existed band woManz
this was our first promo shot...
after the downfall of the group (the two brunettes were fighting over the blonde) - i was left to fend for myself.
at least i still had gorgeous legs.
anyways - this video represents my dreams of what could have been.
what i could have accomplished if i had stuck to my dreams
please don't fast forward - even when you think you've seen the good parts... they just get better
and ps - after seeing what my people can do i never want to hear one of my girlfriends complain about wearing a measly pair of 2 in. slingbacks to the bar again.
so i just got back from the gym. i was feeling pretty fine with manliness protruding from every orifice. my PT eric made me do lots of things i did not like. he's also getting to the point where he is making gay sex jokes when i'm on my back.
we get a long well.
either way i was a man and felt like doing man things.
so i started off by finishing today's episode of the view. mind you, i understand that i'm starting off my man night to a rocky start but it was a full day of hot topics with limited commercial interruptions. can you blame me?
i'm stilling feeling like a man, though. testosterone was pouring through my blood stream. who knows what's next - maybe i'll grab a beer and watch porn, hell - maybe even straight porn with little lady labia's and other feminine like body parts.
i'm a man and i can accomplish anything.
then they play this...
and i go from being a man to this...
tears were spilling out expressing a plethora of emotions. at first they were feelings of "oh life is beautiful, praise the beauty of true love" to "why the fuck does that lion get so much happiness and love? huh - what did he ever do? fucking glorified king of prairie pussies."
as usual those those feelings were fleeting. i'm happy that other people have had happiness in their life. really i should quit bitching - my life is pretty good. i have great friends, a decent job and a roommate that i can tolerate (i jest, tyebert) - overall, life's good. i think i equate contentment or familiarity with unhappiness. maybe from the years of moving around i got use to needing to feel something new, something unknown.
i ran across an old blog of a BF - i hope she doesn't mind me reposting it. i don't worry to much considering i know only 3 people read this and they all read hers as well. i know its long but it's well written (if you ignore the vast amount of misspellings and capitalization errors - she claims to have been a journalism major) and somewhat highlights my point. to protect her identity we will from here on out call her JED.
my own original thoughts continue beneath her glorious ramblings
Aug 1, 2005
Fuck Yeah
I am sitting in a cafe in Brighton Center, waiting for my avacado and hummus sandwich, and wondering how I got so goddamn lucky. This place is so amazing. I don't even know where to start. Conveniently, I have done nothing but forget my camera since I've been here, so there are no pictures. But I will try to describe it.
- people in Boston drive like freaking maniacs, but I like it as a pedestrian because cars ALWAYS manage to stop when you jump in front of them, even when there is no possible way they could have seen you, and you can walk across the street whenever you please, regardless of traffic. Also, since EVERYONE drives like a maniac, there's somehow this unity that results in no one ever getting in a wreck.
- Mark (or do you know him better as Prince Charming?) drives a sweet Mustang and has awesome roommates, K and A. They all worked at Disney World together and are the best hosts in the universe. They also have a rad apartment. I am so, so glad they are here, since they have done everything but hold my hand through these past few days. Well, there was some hand-holding, but you know what I mean.
- going out to the bars is kind of an ordeal here because there's plenty of public transit but it stops running pretty early. Add that to $7 mixed drinks that are weeeaaaak and cover charges between $5 and $10 and *poof* you have an ordeal. Then put two of those weak drinks, a tequila shot, the Remix to Ignition, a dance floor, and Jenny together and *poof* you have a fun but somewhat embarassing evening that ends with most of my dinner on the sidewalk in front of a Catholic church. Eeee!! Anyway, I won't be going out to the bars again any time soon, it's just too expensive. But man did I dance the night away.
- walking is so much fun when you have all kinds of shit to look at
- everyone here is super smart. I have had one roommate interview at a house with 12 people in it (I know, right) and I met a guy working on his PHD at MIT in computer science, a guy who thought my science writing was cool because he has a friend from his days at MIT who just invented a flying car but the media can't seem to get the details right, and a slew of other mid-late 20's people with ridiculous jobs/degrees. I don't think I made a very good impression, but whatever. They offered us cheese and crackers.
- Heidi is here. We walked around downtown earlier, stopping in at H&M (can I get a fuck yeah?) and eating (vegetarian) sushi. Then we walked back to Brighton. In flip flops. That is, to the uninitiated, a long walk. Anyway, Heidi is awesome and I'm glad she's here.
- the Public Gardens and Boston Common really ARE as pretty as they are supposed to be. So is the rest of the downtown area. Also, I have seen: * the place where the Boston massacre took place, which, while in the middle of a busy intersection, is commemorated by some cobblestone left in place * a really old ship called the Danmark, full of Danish sailors * Southie * Fenway (in passing) * people getting out of their newish cars to panhandle * a beer list with, literally, like 500 beers on it at one restaurant * Faneuil Hall (which I don't know how to spell) * pun upon pun (this cafe is called 'cafe nation') * 8,000,000 Dunkin Donut'ses (there are ten of these for every Starbucks. Guess where DD originated?) * Central Square * the MIddle East, a restaurant/venue where there was a middling hard-core band playing a show at 2pm * many joggers/bikers/rollerbladers - this is a really active city, it's awesome
- Even though I've met like 300 people (thanks Mark), I have only met 2 who are actually from Boston. Hmm
- I hear that the beef here is nasty and will make you sick. Holla midwest
Work starts Wednesday. I'm fucking nervous. But it will be fine. Of course it will be fine. But I'm nervous. I accidentally packed up the shoes I was going to wear on my first day so I'll have to go buy some more tomorrow. That's okay. It will be my first time navigating around on my own, unless Heidi is around in which case we might go to the beach. The beach!
It's going to sound premature, but this city feels like home. I love the way everything looks, I like the way it smells, I like the way the people look, even though I have yet to see a particularly attractive man, and I'm suddenly less stressed out than I have been in a long. time. even though I'm about to start this whole ridiculously awesome chapter of my life. And I haven't had a nightmare in almost a week.
THanks for all the support, and I'll be around. I'm going to try to find a place asap (although my battery is only good for another 30 minutes) and then I'll be here more often. Until then, adieu. I mean, wicked awesome.
JED has as much as anyone else to complain about but overall was a happy person. but this - this is amazing! the joy, the thrill in her voice. the idea that there is this whole new world out there and it's hers. the world - an oyster - and JED the accidental grain of sand that planted itself in its womb to create the pearl (metaphor for her conception and eventual metamorphosis to the f*ing coolest person ever, maybe?).
i think somewhere down the road i equated happiness with this adrenaline rush of the fear of the unknown. i moved a lot for a period of my life through middle school and high school. did this once disastrous feeling somehow implant itself as a now necessity for normal function? i did, on my own volition, make 4 major moves spanning 3000 miles within the course of 4 years. i am now on the verge of surpassing my longest time in one city since my childhood home of Macon.
is that what's really freaking me out?
is that healthy?
who knows - i think more then anything a change is what i crave, though i don't know if it's what i need. there has to be a reason i feel the need to run, to change everything i know when everything is going - as much as i complain - when everything is going pretty perfect.
evansville - free apartment (above my parents house - i was 18 and it was cool at the time). decent job (TGI Fridays - as was previously referenced above, i was 18) and had great friends. i knew everyone, was friends with everyone and had a royally great time.
orlando - worked at gaylord palms (resort - google it, server - loads of money), great apartment (with a concrete pond and all the fixin's), and all the bars/ gays/ gay bars i could imagine.
boston - school, a job (not my dream but they like me, pay well and work around my life), and the majority of my best friends live within 3 blocks of me.
why when everything goes so great do i need to leave? when something feels so good should you give it up for the chance of something better? or just realize that what you have is pretty grand and feel satisfied?
i know the answer to that. if i had settled years ago i would still be in evansville, which in the grand scheme of things, is a far cry beneath where i am now. nothing against evansville but knowing what makes me happy - evansville can't offer me that.
but with that said - there has to be a point where you have to stop, you have to quit gambling on the chance - if you don't, won't you end up alone with nothing?
oh well - for now i'm in boston. i like it and i like my life. hopefully when the time presents itself for my next change i'll know what to do.
if i don't - well, you just get to listen to bitch that much more.
some girl is getting ready to head down to the magical world of disney as an illustrious intern. i thought it might be fun to relive our glory days through her and her blog.
she feels honored to have been accepted and hopes that she can live up to their expectations.
oh poor, sweet girl. they can care less about you. you're just one of the 55,000 thousand disney slaves. that's not even counting the 6,000 brazilians they ship up for christmas.
i still find it odd that they ship up thousands of brazillians to work a few weeks and ship them back as if they are a batch of dole bananas coming from the tropics - "i'll take 3,000 bushels. Hell - throw in some plantains and sake. We'll store them in a very nice housing community and ship them back when they spoil."
"Pam Grier stars in the blaxploitation classic as a woman who wreaks havoc on the mobsters who killed her boyfriend."
A movie where the heroine is a black and the whitesare the evil villains.
I love a good satire.
i jest - its like watching gay porn where a black guy f*'s the white guy - i feel like it's pay back. the only difference though is the white guy might get a pink sock, but at least it doesn't leave a rope mark around their neck.
so i just got off the phone with my mother. apparently my parents are thinking of moving to jacksonville, fl (shout out to celeste's sister) and starting an online sex toy website geared at the homosexual population. i've already signed on to be a product demonstrator at a multitude of events on the east coast.
i won't go into details, as none are set yet, but the conversation did end with me pushing double sided dildo's and anal beads on to middle schoolers.
my mom responded with - "is that how they got you?"
we are a very open family.
if this works i'm supposed to give her a small educational seminar on terminology.
i feel like i should tape that for my blog.
so here is a short pictorial of my life since my last "real" blog -
Pride 2008 - Boston
a little manual
a little oral
a little anal
and finish with a reverse oreo
Drinkapooloza - 2008
getting the pool ready for the party
watching the people enjoy the fruit of my labor
getting the spED's drunk
Night in June - Drinking, Drag Queens, Dancing and near Breeding
Long live the hermies queens
comparing....
Pure sex
Mizery in her glory
finding out that the fudge packer bumps the donuts (see joy on mandy's face)
sorry i haven't posted lately.... and it's not for a lack of stories - trust me, my life is exciting as ever. i apologize for leaving everyone with the slightly depressing, lets slice our wrists blog. in the future i'll do my best to only go on hiatus on a positive note.
i promise to update with stories slash pics in the next few days. for now, my boss recommended i post an email i sent him to appease the people.
i didn't actually email it to him for i didn't think there should be record of it at work. i merely read it aloud with the true conviction of my soul. certain information has been xxx to protect the individuals privacy/ my job.
To: XXXX XXXXXX Subject: I want to kill him.....
he sucks at life.
the old dirty bird.
perverts deserve to die - maybe if he got his head out of his ass he would talk to me - but then i'd be more tempted to punch him in the face.
work is to be joyful? to be joyful would be to see him dying of thirst on the side of the road and the only water i give him is the piss i put on his shoes.
xxxx, are you going to make the world better today? ok - build a time machine, go back to 19XX and castrate the xxx xxx to stop the process of fruit being sprung from his loins that perpetuated the of name of xxxxxx'x.
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this person annoys me a little. i'm not sure why - but he does.
