i think it's going to rain today

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
To help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

do you know that song? it's one of my favorite. if i ever get a terminal illness i always pictured this playing right before i die in the hospital as my friends enter the room - (fade out - fade in on casket in cemetary). then my friends cry, song ends and my daughter cries because she can't take her cat to her new guardian's house played by mandy. mandy promises to play tennis with my daughter and out of no where has a sold out concert in california.

the latter part is obviously fictional (have you ever taken a car ride with mandy? yeah, can't really sing but her conviction is honorably noted) - taken more from the movie "beaches" - but you get the point.

have you ever really listened to the lyrics. they're much more telling than they seem.

do i paint on a smile to chase love away? maybe. i've always been one to try and be the one person that everyone likes. i've used a smile to bring into my life but at the same time i've used a smile to keep people at bay. but do i also do it to try and keep people in my life who sometimes cause more pain than love? people who i should be mad as hell at but for some reason want/ need them in my life.

and even when you think that the world is showing you the way to happiness - it doesn't. in the end it's still going to do what? oh yeah - that's right - it's going to rain today.

"Human kindness is overflowing, and I think it's going to rain today."

yeah - human kindness is overflowing. look around! for the most part people do care. hell - i care! but fuck that - my day is still streaked with gray skies and i'm pretty sure i have a tsunami coming towards me.

where does the point come where you call it quits? not with life - but with a situation.

i refuse to give up on this situation but it is, at this very moment, beyond exhausting. how often can one person cry over the same problem? how many times can i relive the loss of an entity that i helped to end? why can one thing cause such utter dismay in an otherwise peaceful and fine existence?

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

at this point i have not self-diagnosed myself with bi-polar disorder. however, if you see me speaking in a british accent, using public restrooms barefoot and wearing a pink wig you should worry.

actually, i tend to use a british accent and have a closet of wigs (none pink, more late 80's cher wigs - but still a wig) - i guess the last sign is barefoot in a bathroom.

i just got an email for VALEIUM 3.99US - i might want to stock up.

look at that - it also says it has VEIGRA and RETALN for 2.$0 - i might as well order a pack of those too.

svedka or smegma?

so i decided to try a new type of vodka - svedka.

so far so good. nothing special but def. not bad.

however when i'm pouring a glass and looking at the name svedka - all i can think of is smegma.

then i remember reading somewhere about a person eating a smegma sandwich.

so i sit down with my glass off vodka and can only imagine a dick cheese sandwich.

ruins the moment.

ps. wowzers

i forgot to mention that a little bird must be spying on me. somehow news of my formerly-impending trip to see donna leaked to the press.

the following excerpt was from my bi-weekly newsletter at work.

"After an absence of 17 years from the spotlight, the legendary singer/songwriter/ performer Donna Summer is returning with full force. Her new CD Crayons was released on Tuesday with each song enveloping the pure notion of what she is - brilliance. Feel free to TiVo “The Today Show” on NBC this Friday morning (7.00am - 9.00am and 10.00am - 11.00am) to see her belting it out on stage and our very own Mark Roberts dancing along in the audience. He will be grabbing his “Donna Summer Greatest Hits” double LP and hitting the road to NYC on Thursday in anticipation of the comeback performance on Friday. One word truly encapsulates this experience - Epic."

sometimes my popularity hurts. everyone wanting a piece of me; wanting to know my every step.

ps - i swear i didn't write that little article - people really do love/ stalk me.

don't they?

wowzers

this has been quite the week.

in short:

saw donna summer perform

met rosie o'donnell

found out that an acquantice is in jail for assault with intent to murder and assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon

and me and tye fought and made up again

I would love to post pictures of all of these things but mandy has the first two, the boston herald has not released pics of the third, and for the fourth, well, everyone has seen me cry enough in person - i'll let you just imagine.

donna was fab (pardon overly gay usage but it is donna summer). the trip was going smoothly until a traffic jam inspired me and mandy to venture out on our own - SCREW MAPQUEST! i felt fun and fearless. yeah, that didn't last long. once we realized we had no idea where we were and my gas tank was screaming "FEED ME" i got nervous. we were lucky, though. after about a half hour we spotted another white person and realized that it would be safe to pull over and get gas.

long story short - we were making good time up until the last 2 1/2 hours it took us to go the last 10 miles.

it was a nice 19 hours spent in NYC. we saw rent (front row, 6 inches away from the speakers = pain). mandy and i bonded like true lovers.

i met one of the so-called "nerds". they're a group of non-fictitious people hailing from the nolia. her name was jude and she was nice. she got knocked-up sometime last year and birthed a baby. his name is wyatt. it was sad how much he loved me - obviously neglected at home. i don't want to comment about her mothering skills but lets say her general care for him had many people staring on the streets and through restaurant windows.

as of noon me and the bff realized we had nothing else to achieve in the beautiful city so set off on our fun filled ride home. we stopped at super, duper weeinie. rated one of the top hot dog stands in the country. i had a new englander with a chocolate shake. it was yummy but we had little time to spare. we needed our pretty sleep time to get ready for ms. o'donnell. (ps - once the pics are posted you will realize that maybe i should have slept a wee bit longer to achieve the desired results).

rosie was great - took a few hours to meet her but she took the time to talk/ love each one of us (me more than others) equally.

acquantice/ jail - i would pass along info but it seems to be up in the air. though it is quite a thrilling story as of yet (kidnapping, ransom, vomiting blood, arson, drugs). wow - my life is so boring in comparison.

and the tye thing - well, as many of you know we have our ups and our downs. the close living situation with a somewhat current ex sometimes amplifies everything. this fight was a little bit better - it was not my usual mass hysteria but a simple, calm, sob-filled disappointment at how we both view our friendship. good news is though that after about 2 hours of this we both started to realize where the other one is coming from. we realized the problem lies with how we both perceive each others actions in a situation instead of the situation itself.

i think things will be better.

i hope so at least.