i think it's going to rain today

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
To help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

do you know that song? it's one of my favorite. if i ever get a terminal illness i always pictured this playing right before i die in the hospital as my friends enter the room - (fade out - fade in on casket in cemetary). then my friends cry, song ends and my daughter cries because she can't take her cat to her new guardian's house played by mandy. mandy promises to play tennis with my daughter and out of no where has a sold out concert in california.

the latter part is obviously fictional (have you ever taken a car ride with mandy? yeah, can't really sing but her conviction is honorably noted) - taken more from the movie "beaches" - but you get the point.

have you ever really listened to the lyrics. they're much more telling than they seem.

do i paint on a smile to chase love away? maybe. i've always been one to try and be the one person that everyone likes. i've used a smile to bring into my life but at the same time i've used a smile to keep people at bay. but do i also do it to try and keep people in my life who sometimes cause more pain than love? people who i should be mad as hell at but for some reason want/ need them in my life.

and even when you think that the world is showing you the way to happiness - it doesn't. in the end it's still going to do what? oh yeah - that's right - it's going to rain today.

"Human kindness is overflowing, and I think it's going to rain today."

yeah - human kindness is overflowing. look around! for the most part people do care. hell - i care! but fuck that - my day is still streaked with gray skies and i'm pretty sure i have a tsunami coming towards me.

where does the point come where you call it quits? not with life - but with a situation.

i refuse to give up on this situation but it is, at this very moment, beyond exhausting. how often can one person cry over the same problem? how many times can i relive the loss of an entity that i helped to end? why can one thing cause such utter dismay in an otherwise peaceful and fine existence?

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

at this point i have not self-diagnosed myself with bi-polar disorder. however, if you see me speaking in a british accent, using public restrooms barefoot and wearing a pink wig you should worry.

actually, i tend to use a british accent and have a closet of wigs (none pink, more late 80's cher wigs - but still a wig) - i guess the last sign is barefoot in a bathroom.

i just got an email for VALEIUM 3.99US - i might want to stock up.

look at that - it also says it has VEIGRA and RETALN for 2.$0 - i might as well order a pack of those too.